Internet Dating

What a whirlwind. There truly are a lot of men out there looking, so those of you who think there are no men out there our age (50’s), think again. Back when I was in my 20’s (yesterday, right?) I had a friend in her 50’s. She told me it was the best time of her life. The men were coming out of the woodwork and she loved it.  I remember laughing at her because she was about my size now, back then. Peggy loved those younger men. She was so young at heart and they seemed to fit her personality well.  Bless you, my friend. I still think of you often.  In so many ways she was right. Those young ones came out of the woodwork, but I don’t want a boy. I want a man who knows what he’s doing. Who’s been around the block a time or two. Who understands where he fucked up and won’t make that mistake again. In other words, I want him to come trained. LOL.  I don’t want to train.

I’ve met quite a few men, ok not met in person. I haven’t met any of them in person. It never got to that place. But I have spoken with a lot of frogs and found strange fetishes out there. Men and their kinks, I forgot how they could be. But I’ll give anything a whirl, as long as it doesn’t include a lot of pain. 

A few of them I will highlight… first was a man who really had me going for a couple months, we’ll call him the German. I fell, yes I did, he said all the right things, I wanted and needed to hear. He turned out to be a scammer, with 1.5 million in gold that he was trying to get back here. LOL.  He wanted money to help him home to “set up our lives.”  I told him to take a bar of that gold and cash the shit in.  End of relationship. But, it did hurt a little. There was always something that made me hold back, so only a few tears were shed. I moved on. The one thing he taught me was how much I wanted this. How much I have been wanting a man in my life, a playmate. For all of his faults, he liked to play. You know that verbal sparring thing. I love it. I miss it. And it can only be done with a man properly. (UPDATE: I found this motherfucker on another website purely by accident, new name, new nationality, new location... I turned his ass in.)

Next one was fast and strange, the Russian who claimed to be Spanish, LOL. He was strange from the beginning. Very formal, didn’t have a playful fun bone and didn’t even get it. He said he had grown up here in the states but still had a deep accent and his voice didn’t match his look. I never video chatted with him, so I have no idea. That didn’t last long and funny thing, I accidentally found the motherfucker on another site a few days later and he had changed his name and location. I sent him congratulations on his name change and sudden move. I moved on. He taught me what I didn’t want. I don’t do men who travel the world and leave me at home to keep the home fires burning, ALONE. NOPE.  I want a man who will spend time with me, spend his life with me. Not just fuck me and leave. Hell if that’s all I wanted I wouldn’t be going through all of this.

Then I found a man with coprophilia. I’ll let you figure that one out. Holy shit. He loved asses is all I can say. But I don’t think he was into me or I into him. So after a few conversations … off I went. He taught me about coprophilia, perfect. I am all up for learning new things LOL.

Now in between all of these top dogs… for lack of a better term at the moment… I kept my eyes open for the ONE.  I put my account on hold while I learned about these men. The first guy, I did shut my account down for.  Funny things, you know that blog I wrote about Libra’s? It seems that is the ONE for me.

This new guy, on the cusp again, straddling that Libra charm and sexual magnetism of Scorpio. I’m a goner for that charm and sexual innuendo crap.  Damn am I ever.  They like to play, like to laugh and tease and flirt and I do too. God help me with this one. He’s sweet, American through and through, praise God. A southerner with a sexy, sexy voice and accent. That intelligent southern accent. I love it. He’s totally into fat girls, a must. And I am ready to jump him. BUT, and that is a big ass BUT. He’s separated. Not divorced. He is still living at home, sleeping on the couch.  It scares the shit out of me to let go with him. Its only been a few days of talking, but he makes me see things, things I want so badly, bad enough to jeopardize my own values, and we know I have so few of those. I’ve never dated, slept with, even talk to a married man. I know how much it hurts. I watched my mom go through it all my life. Married men who would never leave their wives. They spent weekends at our house but then went home to their wives, while my mom cried.

I will not play second fiddle to another woman. If he wants her, then he needs to stay with her and let me be.  Am I being a fool for trusting that he is leaving? That his feet are all but out the door?  I want to trust, I really do want to. I want to be strong and say, I really like you, call me when you’re actually available. I don’t want his kids to hate me for being the next woman. That just makes it hard on him and hard on our relationship. I don’t want the wife to be hurt and cause him extra stress…. You know how women can be in a divorce and drag their feet or be unreasonable and butthurt, even though it’s over and has been. She doesn’t want him, but she doesn’t want anyone else to want him either. And he sure does look good when he’s walking away. It’s still a blow to the ego. I know exactly what will go through her mind. Will she want one last fling for the road? And will he give that to her? And if he did, how would I feel about it?   It truly does break my heart for her. I would love to be able to reach out to her, but you just can’t do stuff like that. All I can do is try to prepare him for the things she MAY be feeling. I hate that his marriage has failed. He says it’s his fault, he accepts full responsibility. But there are some things in a marriage that you can never forget, forgive maybe, but you never forget.

I’ll keep you informed on what happens with the latest one. I really like him, so we’ll see where it goes. 


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