The Ins, Outs, Ups and Downs of an Internet Dating Life

I started this crazy ass journey back in August. I have lost count on how many men I have spoken with, exchanged emails, texted and skyped with, the number is scary honestly. Lots of toads, a few high-quality men, who I managed to intimidate and scare off with my intensity, maybe? I have no idea, one day they just stop talking. I guess it’s a common thread, so what is it exactly that men want? What is it that they expect to happen if they show up like a real man and actually tell you, "Hey it's just not working for me", good luck with your search. What do they think? I guess there are some scary women who would get angry and lash out, if she’s all that, then just walk away, but there are those of us out here who just want to know, so we don’t make the same mistakes the next time. I can usually go over every conversation, ruminate over them actually, and find several dozen reasons someone would find me undesirable.

So, news … fuck… Ok so in the last couple weeks I heard from Tall man. He texted and talked for a few days then all of a sudden, I get a text saying, sorry I can’t talk to you any more I am dating someone. Listen ass, you started this not me.

Then I get a friend request on Facebook at my author site, from Married Guy. Well me being me, curious as hell as to how this would go, approve!  A couple days later he sends me a message through their messenger, “Hey beautiful, do we know each other?” I was fucking pissed, I said, “Yes, we do. This is Shauna.”

“Oh, can you send me a pic, I don’t remember WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I stressed over this man for weeks hoping he would call me back and get over himself. I have honestly NEVER been so insulted in all of my life. How many times do you think you have a connection with someone and come to find out they don’t have a clue who you are? Wow, just wow, that blew my mind a little.

Then through all of this, I find a very nice older man who sounds good. Sends me long thorough emails about himself and ask lots of good quality questions, thoughtful probing questions, like I would ask. It was nice and I seriously thought it was going somewhere. Old man, is worse than the younger ones. Damn. I never expected him to just disappear with no warning or explanation.

Then the Frenchman from Texas, basically same story hot and heavy great intelligent emails, then bam, nothing.

So then Mr Mark, not his name, BTW. But like me, he used an alias to protect the innocence of… what I don’t know, but ok. Mr Mark had sent me a few messages while all that other shit up there was going on. So I glanced at his profile, no pic and something about it, said no. So I never answered. So finally he gave me his number and asked me to please call him or text or just go out to coffee. He said we could just be friends, but he wanted to get to know me. Ok, first of all, no one had ever pursued me that way. So that was interesting, he didn’t post a pic, that was the second thing, even I posted a pic. So I sent him on his way with a “sorry I’m seeing someone.” Which I was kinda talking to Frenchie and Old Man.  So he sends me a note again a few days later saying no strings… just talk.

It really was his comment: Please text me if you are open to something that could be truly beautiful and synergistic.  That got to me. I texted, he texted back a few hours later and it's been on since then. He thinks I’m smart and yes, I am, but he is so much smarter than me. I have a feeling he’ll be bored before long. I am hoping not, but we’ll see. 

There are a few things going on here that concern me and knowing what I know about how these other men have acted,  it makes me suspicious of everything. 1st conversation with Mark was text for a couple hours. Next conversation was from work, after that he was at the gym, then only work since then. So whats going on at his house, what goes on after work, when he goes HOME? Why do I only seem to hear from him on the weekends when he's at work? He sounds like he's very busy in his life working on a project enhancing his job and making repairs on his home. He's a handy man, I love that about him. How do I ask for what I want without sounding like an insecure immature baby? I would love a quick conversation when he crawls into bed to sleep and wants to hear my voice before he drifts off. Or a morning hello because he woke thinking of me. Is it inappropriate for me to do those things with him? I don't even know. He almost feels like he's backing off, in one sense, but when we talk, he's open and friendly and tells me about his past. He doesn't seem to be hiding anything, but who the fuck knows these days. Confused... by this Cancer. Is he as sensitive as I am? Did I say the wrong thing? Why? Is he picking up on something and afraid to say or ask, like me? I guess I'll figure it out.

Talk to ya’ll soon now, ya hear? LOL.

Hugs Shauna Marie

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